Dating for men is never as simple as we think it should be, there can be a lot of anxiety, buildup and preparation that often comes with a first date. At The Male Stylist, we decided to reach out to some top female bloggers in fashion, beauty and dating to get their tips and advice on dating etiquette and the areas where men often tend to make mistake. In our first part we feature professional fashion stylist and blogger Donna Knott, fashion and lifestyle blogger Alex Montemor and award-winning dating blogger Charly Lester. All three were kind enough to offer some great advice to the men of the world and teach us a few things about dating in style.
Donna is a professional fashion stylist who has worked with some of the leading designers and retailers in the UK, on top of this she is a blogger and writer who is regularly featured in top fashion publications around the globe. Her business, The Cabin, provides a personal shopping and style-advisory service that covers everything from wardrobe detoxing to personalised style analysis. Donna offers her advice to men on looking your best for a date…
The process of getting ready for a date is completely different for everyone, especially for men and women. I won’t go into detail about how much effort it takes us to get ready for the day, or how that process is doubled when we’re headed to an all-important date. But I will say it’s enough to warrant the expectation that the man your meeting will have gone to some sort of effort to show you’re worth getting ready for.
Wrinkled clothes, unkempt facial hair and a general nonchalant attitude have all been reasons for me not going back for a second date. If he turns up and I think he hasn’t made an effort, I make the unfortunate presumption that he isn’t that interested and therefore not worth the time. Of course this means running the risk that ‘the one’ might pass by, but first impressions are hard to shift.
If I had met my boyfriend when he was at university for example, I may not be with him today. We were looking through old photos the other day when he asked me if I would have seen him again if he had turned up to meet me in his oversized t-shirt, baggy jeans and long un-styled hair, and I was embarrassed to say I didn’t think I would. More fool me, I know, but it just goes to show how easy it is to make the wrong assumption when you see someone for the first time.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting every man on a date to wear a full blown suit and tie, proffer a corsage and have a violinist on speed dial. It doesn’t even have to be a shirt and trousers. But the idea that you can physically see a complete lack of effort gives the immediate impression that he just isn’t bothered.
Of course it’s not just about showing you’re interested. Sometimes there are just bad fashion choices that can come between men and a second date. This is trickier, as personal style is, well, personal. But certain things such as duct-taping the soles of your shoes, wearing an iPod shuffle taped to your wrist as an alternative to a watch (yes these things have actually happened) may be perceived as a little too kooky for your date.
If there really is something there you’ll probably end up seeing her again, but why run that risk? Tidy yourself up and hop to it.
Alex Montemor – 4YourSeason
Alex runs the beautifully written and incredibly popular blog, 4YourSeason, a website that covers a variety of topics including beauty, lifestyle, fashion, travel and so much more. Her outfit posts regularly demonstrate her combination of classic elegance with contemporary chic stylings. Due to her wide variety of expertise, Alex was able to give us advice in multiple areas of what goes into a successful date…
Making a positive impression through personal image is the first thing to be done when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. Not only does it show you are fully aware of what suits your personality but it’s also a way to prove that you have made an effort by making sure you look your best.
Once you made a good impression it is time to show your ability to introduce interesting conversations. It is great when you meet someone you can easily talk to, especially when on a date, and you don’t know what to expect. In my opinion talking about general subjects is always better than the typical direct question we tend to be asked first, such as: “Tell me all about you.” This one will always come across as a demand leading to a one-way conversation. It’s not a problem when you have to talk about yourself but finding ways to be more interactive will work better when you are just starting to get to know someone. Do ask questions and don’t forget to be a good listener too. Most importantly, choose carefully the way you carry on the conversation in order to avoid making her feel like she is at some sort of “interrogation room”. This can be a total turn off.
I always look into body language as well, things like crossed arms or hands in the pockets, not being able to focus, lack of eye contact etc… They are the indicators that things are not going so well, once you are on a date with someone it is nice to show you can be attentive.
When it comes to where to go and what to do you can pick a casual event like a street fair it doesn’t need to be the same restaurant every time. The best thing to do is to think about places you had fun with your friends, they tend to be the best. Don’t be afraid to ask your date’s opinion as well, most women don’t mind that.
Dating can be quite stressful for most people due to the fact that you put yourself at the mercy of a total stranger. But the truth is you will never know if someone is right unless you give it a try. My advice is: always be yourself, life is too short for games and never forget to let her know you enjoyed her company, we love when we are told that.
Charly Lester – The 30 Dates Blog
Charly Lester is one of the top bloggers in the UK for all areas to do with dating, her blog “The 30 Dates Blog” has received critical acclaim, winning multiple awards and being shortlisted for even more in 2014. Her work is regularly published in The Huffington Post and this year she will be a judge at the UK Dating Awards 2014. With such a wealth of experience and wisdom, Charly was kind enough to talk us through the most crucial part of dating, communication…
As a full-time Dating Blogger, I write a lot about the subject. And yet I very rarely think about things which guys specifically do wrong on dates. Maybe I’ve just been lucky with the guys I date. Perhaps I have a positive outlook, or maybe I’m simply more forgiving than most, but nothing outright strikes me as a thing men consistently “do wrong”.
And so, instead I tried to think of ways in which men and women differ. Things we come at from different angles, but where we don’t always meet in the middle.When I think in those terms, the topic which stands out is Communication. Men and women communicate in completely different ways. It can work in a long-term partnership, once you know each other better, but in the early stages of dating, the difference in the way we communicate can make or break a new liaison.
So what tips do I have for guys, to improve dating communication?
1) Be Honest About Your Intentions
We live in 2014, and casual relationships and one-night stands are perfectly acceptable. If that’s all your after, just make sure the other person involved understands that. If you’re not looking for something long-term, make sure the other person is aware of that.
2) Don’t Lead People On
If you’re not interested, don’t drag something out. You might think you’re being polite, but what you’re actually doing is giving the girl false hope. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If you don’t want to see someone again, be polite, but be honest.
3) Be Consistent with xs
This may sound like a silly one, but I promise you, girls read into how many kisses you put at the end of a text! If you add more, they think you’re becoming more attached. Forget to add them, and they will think you’re upset or disinterested! Be consistent to avoid misunderstanding.
4) If You Like Someone, Let Her Know!
There’s too much game playing when it comes to dating. If you have a date with a girl, and it goes really well, let her know you had a great time. I have friends who wait two days to text a girl, even if they really like her. When I look back at all the best dates I’ve been on, the guy texted me within an hour, just to tell me what a fun night he’d had.
Well, we hope that this article has helped teach you a few lessons about dating etiquette so that, in the future, you can look forward to more enjoyable and successful dating experience. A big thank you to Donna, Alex and Charly who have all provided such great advice and were only too happy to get involved in this project. We’ll have part 2 up in the near future. Feel free to share this with your friends or like and comment on the post below. If you have any questions, please feel free to tweet or leave them in the comments section below.
By Adam Walker